Wow. It's almost 2009. Already. Feels like only yesterday when it was New Year's Eve of 2008, eh? Ridiculous, but somehow...amusing.
I've got the chips if Levi's got the salsa!
Levi called offering to give me a ride to Nick's (daaaaw wasn't that sweet of him?). When he reminded me that Nick asked for people to bring food...stuff...Levi mentioned that he got salsa, so he was all "Uhm...can you get some chips?" I found that to be quite hilarious, really!
Oi, and I got some snazzy blinds for my room, too. No more hanging up beach towels! Whoo!
So things around here are going rather well, really. Everything's comin' together and Hay will get to move into her room next week! I am totally excited for her. Mostly just have to get her carpet down and what not; then moving furniture in and what have you. Brilliant.
The way I have my miniature 'media center' set up is a bit...snug, you might say. I have my small TV right next to the computerr moniter, so whenever I decide to watch something AND screw around on the computer it's like "Woah! Back up!" I love it though.
I actually wasn't going to attend Nick's party and just stay home with my family, but I really do need (and want) to get out more. I hardly get to see my friends due to my 'educational route.' So, it'll be a blast to pester them all again! I will miss spending the countdown with my family, though. It's too hilarious with my sister and folks. Funny bastards.
Waaaaaaaaah~I forgot to mention that my bed doesn't have a bed frame; it's just one matress on the floor (I love it that way!) and it can slide all over the room since I don't have carpet. I adore such mobility! Though, when I go to sit down on it, it likes to slide about somewhat. At least I can move it when/if it gets in the way, no? Ha!
You know what bothers me? When a company makes a fantastic free MMORPG and people STILL whine about small mistakes or something. I mean, I can understand if they want to make suggestions, but when they go on and on and bash the game provider it's like "Geez! They let you play this awesome game for FREE! Chill!" Just thought I'd throw that in randomly.
For more randomness, something I thought would never happen...happened. I am addicted to Dragonball Z. Mostly Vegeta! Damn my obsessions! And why do I always love the cold-hearted bastards? xDD
And, YES, I DO have a New Year's resolution. Only, I'm keeping it to myself for now. :P
Happy New Year's everyone! <3
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Techno Chicken
I feel considerably numb. A bit dizzy, but it's alright.
The adults left this morning to go and see Nana and Papa up in the mountains. Hay and I stayed home because we're both sick. Her physically, though. I feel bad for my sister. She's been sick for a while now.
This 'new' room feels nice; fresh. Icy colored.
I can't wait to start college. To get out and make friends will be nice. A long needed antidote, I guess. Seeing Mrs. G will be good, too. Such a wonderful lady.
Roscoe grovels a lot. It's like he goes into a state of hypnosis when he lies down on his back. He's a good boy, but a bad boy, too. He's an escape artist; whenever he runs across the street I just let him. No use in stopping him. Maybe he'll get hit like Bella did, survive, and never ever go out into the street again. Roscoe you rascal.
I can't wait to start college...only half a year to go. I can't wait to have a social life again.
I wonder when Hay is starting...since she's done with high school and all.
This long hair is annoying the crap out of me, too. It'll feel great to rid myself of it.
A complete change will be nice.
Hay is cheering me up with these ridiculous videos.
She says this one reminds her of me. For the win...lmao
The adults left this morning to go and see Nana and Papa up in the mountains. Hay and I stayed home because we're both sick. Her physically, though. I feel bad for my sister. She's been sick for a while now.
This 'new' room feels nice; fresh. Icy colored.
I can't wait to start college. To get out and make friends will be nice. A long needed antidote, I guess. Seeing Mrs. G will be good, too. Such a wonderful lady.
Roscoe grovels a lot. It's like he goes into a state of hypnosis when he lies down on his back. He's a good boy, but a bad boy, too. He's an escape artist; whenever he runs across the street I just let him. No use in stopping him. Maybe he'll get hit like Bella did, survive, and never ever go out into the street again. Roscoe you rascal.
I can't wait to start college...only half a year to go. I can't wait to have a social life again.
I wonder when Hay is starting...since she's done with high school and all.
This long hair is annoying the crap out of me, too. It'll feel great to rid myself of it.
A complete change will be nice.
Hay is cheering me up with these ridiculous videos.
She says this one reminds her of me. For the win...lmao
Friday, December 19, 2008
...
Not a day goes by when I don't think about them. That much is for certain.
Is it selfish of me to go ahead and rant about this here? I have nowhere else to go or no one else to talk to about it. I might as well plague my blog here with it rather than allow it all to be more public. But, then again, this is the internet. How much more public can it get?
I just need to let this all out somewhere...
Sometimes I wish I had never gone back to the high school. If I didn't, everything would be as it was. Everything would be fine. But my desire to be with them was great enough to make me go back to that place. Worst mistake of my life. I shouldn't have let her walk away. I shouldn't have kept to myself so much.
When we did bicker...fight...it didn't concern me as much. I was irrational; all I wanted was to get back at them. I think that something inside of me told me that everything would be ok. Because I would get to see them the next day. I would have another day to set things right. Not anymore. But that...this is my fault.
I don't think anyone understands.
They may tell me "yes, I do understand," but they don't. They just don't.
When I see myself breaking down over them I think I'm crazy for loving them so much when they hate me and want me dead.
When I don't break down over them I think I'm crazy because they mean so much to me.
It's hard to think anymore. Whenever they happen to come into mind it's a battle. A struggle to find something else to think about. I try desperately to get away from the thoughts.
I hide everything now. From everyone. I try my best to keep everything inside. I don't want them to know.
But sometimes I wish someone would find me when I'm falling apart, because when I look at my house, I don't want to go back and have to dry my tears and hide everything again.
I hate this. I sound so pathetic, and I hate it. But somehow I need to get this out. Even if it means abusing my poor blog which was supposed to be for all of the happy memories. I'll probably look back on this and vomit.
But I can't deny that they were once the closest friends, the closest people, I have ever, ever had in this life. So close...we could talk about anything, and we did. We could do anything and be anything with each other, and we did. They were my best friends. And, at that time, the best I ever had. Hell, I took everyone else's friendship for granted. These two girls were what was most important to me. I wanted to make them happy; to give them what they could not get themselves.
Now they deny everything. I'm sure they deny ever being my friend. I'm sure they hate me; want me dead; want me gone for good from their lives...but I can't help but love them. I can't help but long to have them back. I do want them back...so badly...
I wish I can tell them all of this without them mocking me and putting me down.
"You don't take friendships seriously."
The friendship that I was most serious about was theirs.
When I lost them, it was more than obvious that I lost a part of myself. All of my favorite things, all of my favorite hobbies, every song, every sight, every breath...them. It all falls back to them.
There are times when I am truly happy and I can laugh and smile truthfully, but, it seems that no matter what I do, it always comes back.
They have me wrapped around their finger and they don't even know it.
I remember a time when I was leaving their house after staying the night, and I asked them to ask their parents if they could come over to my house that night and stay the night for the first time at my place. When they came back out saying that their parents said no...I remember seeing the tears in their eyes. No joke...and on the way home I tried so hard not to cry. Because I didn't want to leave. I wanted to go back...to stay another night...
Sometimes I just want to go there. Just fall asleep there. Fall asleep in a place that they would be when I opened my eyes again.
The Big Dipper. That constellation in the sky. They never knew it was thee until I showed them. Now just looking at the stars is painful...not beautiful.
Sometimes I wish they could feel this pain. Sometimes I want them to suffer like this so they know how much it fucking hurts. But the last thing that I ever wanted to do is hurt them.
Why can't I forget? Why can't I let go? Is it because I don't want to? What possible thread of hope am I trying to reach for? If there even is one...
All I want for Christmas, if it isn't too much to ask for, is to have them back.
Because, if they can see through all of these misunderstandings...then maybe...
And I've realized my mistakes. I am the one at fault.
Please, just let me have them back.
I've never missed someone so much in my entire life.
Is it selfish of me to go ahead and rant about this here? I have nowhere else to go or no one else to talk to about it. I might as well plague my blog here with it rather than allow it all to be more public. But, then again, this is the internet. How much more public can it get?
I just need to let this all out somewhere...
Sometimes I wish I had never gone back to the high school. If I didn't, everything would be as it was. Everything would be fine. But my desire to be with them was great enough to make me go back to that place. Worst mistake of my life. I shouldn't have let her walk away. I shouldn't have kept to myself so much.
When we did bicker...fight...it didn't concern me as much. I was irrational; all I wanted was to get back at them. I think that something inside of me told me that everything would be ok. Because I would get to see them the next day. I would have another day to set things right. Not anymore. But that...this is my fault.
I don't think anyone understands.
They may tell me "yes, I do understand," but they don't. They just don't.
When I see myself breaking down over them I think I'm crazy for loving them so much when they hate me and want me dead.
When I don't break down over them I think I'm crazy because they mean so much to me.
It's hard to think anymore. Whenever they happen to come into mind it's a battle. A struggle to find something else to think about. I try desperately to get away from the thoughts.
I hide everything now. From everyone. I try my best to keep everything inside. I don't want them to know.
But sometimes I wish someone would find me when I'm falling apart, because when I look at my house, I don't want to go back and have to dry my tears and hide everything again.
I hate this. I sound so pathetic, and I hate it. But somehow I need to get this out. Even if it means abusing my poor blog which was supposed to be for all of the happy memories. I'll probably look back on this and vomit.
But I can't deny that they were once the closest friends, the closest people, I have ever, ever had in this life. So close...we could talk about anything, and we did. We could do anything and be anything with each other, and we did. They were my best friends. And, at that time, the best I ever had. Hell, I took everyone else's friendship for granted. These two girls were what was most important to me. I wanted to make them happy; to give them what they could not get themselves.
Now they deny everything. I'm sure they deny ever being my friend. I'm sure they hate me; want me dead; want me gone for good from their lives...but I can't help but love them. I can't help but long to have them back. I do want them back...so badly...
I wish I can tell them all of this without them mocking me and putting me down.
"You don't take friendships seriously."
The friendship that I was most serious about was theirs.
When I lost them, it was more than obvious that I lost a part of myself. All of my favorite things, all of my favorite hobbies, every song, every sight, every breath...them. It all falls back to them.
There are times when I am truly happy and I can laugh and smile truthfully, but, it seems that no matter what I do, it always comes back.
They have me wrapped around their finger and they don't even know it.
I remember a time when I was leaving their house after staying the night, and I asked them to ask their parents if they could come over to my house that night and stay the night for the first time at my place. When they came back out saying that their parents said no...I remember seeing the tears in their eyes. No joke...and on the way home I tried so hard not to cry. Because I didn't want to leave. I wanted to go back...to stay another night...
Sometimes I just want to go there. Just fall asleep there. Fall asleep in a place that they would be when I opened my eyes again.
The Big Dipper. That constellation in the sky. They never knew it was thee until I showed them. Now just looking at the stars is painful...not beautiful.
Sometimes I wish they could feel this pain. Sometimes I want them to suffer like this so they know how much it fucking hurts. But the last thing that I ever wanted to do is hurt them.
Why can't I forget? Why can't I let go? Is it because I don't want to? What possible thread of hope am I trying to reach for? If there even is one...
All I want for Christmas, if it isn't too much to ask for, is to have them back.
Because, if they can see through all of these misunderstandings...then maybe...
And I've realized my mistakes. I am the one at fault.
Please, just let me have them back.
I've never missed someone so much in my entire life.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Beat By A Girl
Does that seem like a sexist title?
Well, it plays nicely into my hands seeing that I AM the girl who unleashed the beating. "I'm getting beat by a girl!" is what my little cousin Kevin 'cried out' while I continuously kicked his ass in about five or six games of McDonalds air hockey. I must say, though, he is a worthy opponent.
Watch, next time around he'll be wiping me into the floor.
Why were we at McAdees?
Sort of a long story, but not really, I guess.
I accompanied Grandmother yesterday to take my little cousins (Kev and Mac) to the mall to get their pictures taken for a Christmas surprise for their parents. After being freed from the mall, we let our hungry selves dine out at a McDonalds nearby. I almost stole someone else's chicken nuggets...the guy behind the counter was like 'Those aren't yours.' I should have just taken them...I also got a few shots of Mackenzie and Kevin playing around in that Funland playhouse thing with my cellphone (wish it was Mom's digital camera instead...). Grandma made sure that they both used some disinfectant wipes afterwards. Nasty funlands with their germs! Well, anyways, during that time I was playing said air hockey game with Kev. It was a lot of fun, you might say.
I think that that McDonalds trip was the highlight of our little, ah, adventure...something to slightly spice up this blog which hasn't been updated in quite some time now (for shame, for shame).
Oh! And I need to upload some pictures of Trixie, don't I?
I can't remember if I mentioned her in this blog...but I did on my DeviantArt journal. Trixie is the little chihuahua that my Mom saved. Apparently she had been lying/sitting next to a dead dog for three days or longer. Mom didn't have the heart to leave her, so she brought her home. Poor thing was nervous and scared for the first few days, but she's doing a lot better now. Was pregnant, too...but we had her get a doggy abortion since we didn't know who the breeder was. If it was a big dog, birthing the pups could have killed Trix. And let me tell you, nobody wanted that!
She isn't high-strung or anything...just really sweet. It is totally obvious when she is happy. She does a little dance sometimes and her tail wags like crazy. So cute!
But, yes, Trixie is the new addition to our family~
The first two shots my sister took. I took the last one.
THE END! (for now)
Well, it plays nicely into my hands seeing that I AM the girl who unleashed the beating. "I'm getting beat by a girl!" is what my little cousin Kevin 'cried out' while I continuously kicked his ass in about five or six games of McDonalds air hockey. I must say, though, he is a worthy opponent.
Watch, next time around he'll be wiping me into the floor.
Why were we at McAdees?
Sort of a long story, but not really, I guess.
I accompanied Grandmother yesterday to take my little cousins (Kev and Mac) to the mall to get their pictures taken for a Christmas surprise for their parents. After being freed from the mall, we let our hungry selves dine out at a McDonalds nearby. I almost stole someone else's chicken nuggets...the guy behind the counter was like 'Those aren't yours.' I should have just taken them...I also got a few shots of Mackenzie and Kevin playing around in that Funland playhouse thing with my cellphone (wish it was Mom's digital camera instead...). Grandma made sure that they both used some disinfectant wipes afterwards. Nasty funlands with their germs! Well, anyways, during that time I was playing said air hockey game with Kev. It was a lot of fun, you might say.
I think that that McDonalds trip was the highlight of our little, ah, adventure...something to slightly spice up this blog which hasn't been updated in quite some time now (for shame, for shame).
Oh! And I need to upload some pictures of Trixie, don't I?
I can't remember if I mentioned her in this blog...but I did on my DeviantArt journal. Trixie is the little chihuahua that my Mom saved. Apparently she had been lying/sitting next to a dead dog for three days or longer. Mom didn't have the heart to leave her, so she brought her home. Poor thing was nervous and scared for the first few days, but she's doing a lot better now. Was pregnant, too...but we had her get a doggy abortion since we didn't know who the breeder was. If it was a big dog, birthing the pups could have killed Trix. And let me tell you, nobody wanted that!
She isn't high-strung or anything...just really sweet. It is totally obvious when she is happy. She does a little dance sometimes and her tail wags like crazy. So cute!
But, yes, Trixie is the new addition to our family~
The first two shots my sister took. I took the last one.
THE END! (for now)
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