Pillow, please.

Well, the TV is on now...and Mac is in a trance watching The Fairly Odd Parents. All I have to do is keep myself from crying. After reading something I suddenly feel really...out of it; for some reason it makes me want to cry. Pathetic, I know! But I can't help but feel at a loss...
If I could, I would talk to my parents about it. For now, though, I think Amanda is the only one I can really tell. I probably won't bring it up again. I don't want her to assume that I am really advancing to...a certain option. It's just so...overwhelming...because I don't know what to do about it! Now that that's swimming about on my mind, I can't seem to think about anything else...grrr.
Levi called yesterday evening. AGAIN. I feel bad for not answering, but he is somehow able to get me to talk about certain things. Also, I wasn't at home...and usually when he calls I'm busy. Like Amanda, I can talk to him easily...about how I feel, what's on my mind...and in return, I pry stuff out of him. I ask about him and how he is feeling...I learned a lot. The thing is...I think Levi might have been talking about what I've told him to other people...because how else would such information get about if he is the only one who knows? It doesn't make me mad, though. I know that under pressure, stuff can just slip. But I'll keep the majority of my issues on the DL from now on.
Thanks Amanda and Levi for being there for me and letting me talk to you.

This is really bothering me. I'm dying to get this out to someone; I can't even let it out here. Writing it down won't help so much because...it's not really having someone to talk to...someone to give you advice. With time I might be able to figure some things out...but...
But for now it is keeping me from doing what I need to do like homework and taking care of myself and doing chores and...! Just gah...

I guess in a way I feel trapped.

At least this couch is comfortable. It makes me think...maybe I just want someone to snuggle on.
This time...I need a pillow...